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Viewing: St Matthias Church—-Friday, Sep, 22, 2017, 2.00PM to 4.00PM and 6.00PM to 8.00PM

Funeral Mass: St Matthias Church—-Saturday, Sept. 23, 2017, 10.00AM 

Repast: St Matthias Hughes Center directly after Mass

Cemetery: Resurrection, Clinton, Maryland.

Donation: Make donations to St. Matthias Church in lieu of Flowers

As we face grief and the grieving process it is important to be aware that we are holistic human beings. Consequently, grief will affect the physical, emotional, and spiritual components of who we are.
Persons who ignore the need to grieve may sometimes be alerted by some physical problems that erupt. It is not unusual that chronic physical ailments like back issues, digestive problems, unstable blood pressure or diabetes are exacerbated by the stress of loss. This is so especially when the need to grieve a significant loss is ignored.

In this grief brief we will look at the spiritual part of our being. It is certainly affected and stirred by loss. Persons who have a strong relationship with their God or Higher Power will lean more heavily upon the comfort and strength that that relationship provides. When human strength, expended by grieving, begins to exhaust, there is a turning to the Divine for the help needed to cope and heal in this long, difficult process that we call “grief”.

Some may have the relationship with their Divine Power shaken by the loss. This can occur when prayers have been forthcoming, asking for a cure, a turn-around in the illness, or just more time with the loved one. When that doesn’t happen and death does occur, there may be disappointment and even anger that divine intervention was not available. These outcomes may well be reversed in time as the grieving person comes to realize that divine guidance and help are real needs as one grieves.

Persons who don’t profess adherence to an established religious group, church, or sect may pursue some other source of needed comfort and strength as they grieve. They may turn to a mentor, a wise and admired friend, or to books that have always provided them with inspiration and needed wisdom. Others may explore the spiritual principles that they have upheld throughout their lives to be the roadmap or guide for moving forward in grief

No matter what the source, when spiritual needs are felt, grieving persons can reach for the spiritual guidance and support they need to help them to better cope with their grief and loss.

 

As mentioned in the last Grief Brief, I would once again like to extend to any persons who have experienced loss and are grieving, the invitation to join the Grief Support Group that is held weekly at St. Matthias the Apostle Parish. The group will resume its weekly sessions on the second Saturday of September (9/9/17) and new members are welcomed. The group meets in the school library (St. Matthias School) at 9 AM. The address is 9475 Annapolis Road in Lanham, MD 20706. If anyone would like more information feel free to contact: Miriam Jacik, the Grief Coordinator at (301) 345-6054.

Save the Date

Saint Matthias the Apostle parish invites you to join us as we celebrate the installation of Father Jack Kennealy as pastor on Sunday, September 17th at the 6:00 PM Mass. Father Jack will be installed by Cardinal Wuerl.

After the Mass, the Parish Social Life Committee will host a reception with light refreshments in Friendship Hall. All are welcome.

One of the issues that arises for people as they grieve is the subject of closure.  Some well-meaning persons in our society (that may include some family members and friends) would have us bring the process of grieving to a close at some point along the journey of grief.  They are yearning to see and relate to the “old us”- the one who is socially engaged, ever ready to reach out and help others, etc.  The changes that grief effects upon a person doesn’t necessarily let that happen.  The “old us” becomes a “new us” with values and life goals that have been re-processed and re-prioritized to create a “new normal” state of being.

The question, then, is : “Is there closure after a loss?”  There can  and should be some closure to the experiences  of deep pain, longing, and missing.  Staying with these feelings inhibits the moving forward that one needs and that the deceased persons  would desire for us.  Pain softens in time only to be renewed in a more gentle manner when special occasions remind us that someone very dear is missing from our midst.

One never forgets, however, what was.  Love is still there, memories are still there,  and both will always be in the minds and hearts of those who grieve.  Therefore, there can’t  be true closure in grief.

Another form of closure spoken about and related to grief occurs when  family and friends have the realization that their loved one has truly died.  This happens during the uncertainties of war and natural disasters like floods, hurricanes, tsunamis, as well as accidents, etc.  With this certainty the beloved can begin their grieving process.

So, we will conclude this grief message with the assurance that in most circumstances grieving will not entail a final period of dismissal or closure.   As long as loving memories of our deceased persons  persist throughout our lives in our hearts and minds they are with us, never to be forgotten.


On a completely different note I would like to extend to any persons, who have experienced a loss and are grieving, the invitation to join the Grief Support Group that is held at St. Matthias the Apostle Parish.  The group will resume weekly sessions on the second Saturday of September (9/9/17) and new members are welcomed.  The group meets in the school library  {St. Matthias School} at 9 AM. The address is 9475 Annapolis Rd. in  Lanham, MD 20706.  If anyone would like more information feel free to contact:  Miriam Jacik, the Grief Coordinator at (301) 345-6054.

You, dear reader, are no doubt involved in moving through a grieving process, or would like to be doing so. You have sustained some significant or personal loss. To fully engage in grieving your loss or losses you probably would want a fuller understanding of what that process entails.
To grieve is to journey through a process that evokes sadness, aloneness, tears, and missing (someone or something important to you), remembering the true worth of who or what was lost, and discovering how to go with one’s life beyond the loss. Perhaps we can now look more closely at each aspect of grieving.

Sadness becomes the companion to one who has lost someone precious to him or her. Sadness can be intense for weeks and months after the loss occurred. Tears very often accompany the sadness and they beg to be released as often as necessary. Tears bring release and relief to the aching heart. They need not be stifled. However, for the person who doesn’t cry or cries very little after a significant loss, there need not be undue concern. He or she is experiencing a keen sense of loss and sadness in a slightly different manner that doesn’t include tears. None-the-less that person is grieving.

Aloneness is felt when a soul-mate, a life companion, and a true friend is lost. In death a connection still exists, but it is more spiritual than physical and tangible . Periods of personal illness or crises of any sort will cause the grieving person to feel more alone than ever, truly sensing the absence of the loved one.

The griever misses intensely the person with whom he or she has shared life and love over many years, or perhaps only a few. Much love and deep caring have been given and received. Thus, there is a sense that much has been lost as a result of the death. Fortunately, there are the memories.

Remembering is an important part of the journey through grief. There are pictures, memories, and mementos to keep the remembering alive for a long time. Hopefully these carry through one’s whole lifetime. In early grief (the first 6-7 months) remembering is hard because it brings forth sadness and tears. But, as weeks and months pass wonderful memories of times shared float into one’s consciousness and in time replace the more painful memories.

As one moves through the grieving process, the sadness, tears, aloneness, and missing (already mentioned) are accompanied by more intense feelings with which one must grapple. They are a part of the grief process and must be looked at and experienced before they can be put to rest.

In time, one must discover how to go on. One looks at how to have renewed purpose and meaning for one’s life. Remembering that this would be the desire of the deceased loved one is important. He or she would want those left behind to have a full, rich, and healthy life for however long it would be. New dreams, new undertakings, health and happiness, as well as expanded relationships are all a part of the wishes and desires they would have for us.  

The grief journey is long and hard, but taking it day by day makes it feasible. With the support and caring of friends, family, and our God, it can be successfully undertaken. Healing of body, mind, and spirit will be the expected outcome.

The Parish Social Life Committee would like to thank all parishioners who attended Fr. Milt’s retirement celebration, Sunday, June 4, 2017. Special thanks to volunteers who donated treasure, food, and time to make this occasion a success, and to the Knights of Columbus for their logistical assistance for the event. We are grateful to all members of the PSLC for putting together a great event: Fr. Canice Enyiaka, Debbie Self, Zita Givens, Arlene Taylor, Jackie Bates, Rosario Andres, Evelyn Andres, Myr- tle Reeves, Ramon and Esperanza Lomosbog, Melba Adams, and Thad Ereme.

Grief Brief   #9

One of the difficult aspects of grieving is dealing with the strong feelings that emerge during the grief process.  Among those known to most grievers are: sadness, loneliness, missing the person lost, anger that they are no longer a part of one’s life, and guilt over what one believes should or could have been done for the loved one.  Hindsight becomes quite keen while one is grieving.  Self-blame, regret, and guilt easily follow.

Anger may extend beyond self or the loved one to anger at God, who after all, could have spared the person for several more years, giving him or her wellness. Anger at medical personnel in our health care system can also arise when we believe that they could have tried harder to save the person or to have given better care.   Anger may also be extended to the person who died, especially if one feels that self-neglect was a causative factor in an earlier than desired death.

As feelings emerge they have a power of their own which will certainly increase if the feelings are repressed or denied.  Looking at feelings and trying to understand what they are conveying to us is quite important. Taking the time to see the reality of what one feels, talking about those feelings with a trusted other, or writing them out gives an escape of them from our inner world.  Of course this process cannot be done just once.  The feelings will emerge several times over until they dissipate and one can let them go.

Whenever strong feelings emerge during grief they require a process of forgiveness for needed healing to follow.  Forgiveness is extended to anyone considered to be complicit in any aspects of the loss.  When forgiveness of whomever, including self, is hard in coming there is a need to pray for the ability and strength to forgive.  Then, peace can follow.

Remember that holding on to unforgiveness or any of the strong feelings that emerge during grief will also lead to an undue toxic burden of spiritual and emotional unrest and unhappiness to be carried throughout one’s life. Therefore, a word of wisdom is to visit and process the feelings. 

My first thought in writing this next grief note, is to wish you, the readers, a Happy Easter, A Happy Passover, and a Happy Springtime.  May these occurrences fill you with hopefulness and joy as you proceed through your grief  journey.

We will now look at one thing that could help us to move forward in grief.  Learning about all of the aspects of grief is very helpful to the person who is going through the process.  Fortunately, there are many wonderful books, articles, and periodicals that explore the many facets of grieving.  These are written by professionals who have specialized in grief education and grief counseling, as well as by persons who have walked the road of grief and choose to share their insights and learned experiences. Knowing what can possibly be of help to us in our journey is quite important.

Our libraries and bookstores, as well as articles on the internet, provide a vast amount of information on the topics loss and grieving.  Several decades ago none of that information was available to grieving persons, so we are fortunate indeed.

Some who are grieving may find it difficult to focus on or comprehend well information on the topic of grief.  This is so in the early months of grieving when there is a strong sense of dishevelment pervading one’s being.  Even some avid readers have lost that sense of comprehension early in grief.  That wonderful ability to enjoy books will return in time, however. In the meantime, choosing to read shorter articles or topics on grief that may be of interest is very helpful.  A lot of grief education of this type occurs in many Grief Support Groups. 

Caring friends will sometimes offer us books on the topics of grief and loss as a way of reaching out to us.  If you are not ready to read those books at the time they are received, just put them aside for a later date when they will become a treasure to you.

So, I invite you to learn more about grief from books, periodicals, and articles. They will provide you with gems of wisdom and a better understanding of your own grieving.

Grief Brief # 7 

This grief note will invite us to focus on multiple losses that we might face as we grieve. These can occur under three separate circumstances. We will consider each of them.

When we lose a significant other we focus primarily upon the loss of an important person in our lives. Our grief can be centered solely upon the loss of that person. Yet, there are many other secondary losses that are connected with our principle loss. Here is how that happens.

Having lost a spouse, we soon recognize that we have perhaps lost a partner, a soul-mate, a friend. We miss the planning, discussing, and decision-making we may have done jointly. Many responsibilities carried during our lives together by the absent partner are now solely ours, whether we are ready for them or not.

When a child dies, no matter what his or her age may be, we feel the loss of being a guiding and caring parent. We feel that we have been robbed of sharing the dreams, pursuits, or the special events like graduations, weddings, job promotions etc. that could have occurred in that child’s life.

When losing a friend, we miss the special sharing and companionship that was ours. Many a life secret or plan was shared with that person who is now absent from our lives.

These added losses, although sometimes discounted, can add to the burden of grief and mourning that a person can experience.

Another aspect of multiple losses takes into account personal tragedies or crises we may face along with the primary loss. These multiple losses can include: a serious illness that befalls us or a person in our family; some grave misfortune that has come to the life of a friend or family member like serious financial troubles, the loss of a job, an accident, etc. Included in this list are the losses that are consequences of natural disasters like floods, tornadoes, earthquakes, or the like. In all of these circumstances our primary grief, surrounding the loss of a deceased loved one, must sometimes be placed on hold temporarily until the new imposing situations are handled. We will grieve for our lost loved one, but only after the crises or significant problems are dealt with and somewhat resolved.

A third aspect of multiple losses weighs upon us when people we have known and cared about for years begin to die. The causes may be aging, illness, catastrophic occurrences that involve many people (ex.9/11, a significant flood), or acts of violence like shootings, stabbings, riots, accidents, suicides, etc. There is a need to choose well how many of these circumstances will call forth our concern, compassion, and personal caring. The burden of our own grieving process will limit the amount of emotional energy that we can invest in any of these circumstances. When we have grieved and healed adequately, we will have the emotional strength and stamina to get more fully involved in caring and reaching out to others.

Thus we see, from what has been described, that grieving can be multi-faceted. Choosing well where our focus, our attention, and energies are placed is very important so that our own healing is not unduly interrupted. The call is to care for our own grieving selves so that we in time may be able to reach out to others in a loving and caring way.

winter blues

Since the erratic winter months are upon us, perhaps we could look at the topic of the “winter blues”.

Cold gray days, the snow, and the bleak scenes in nature have a way of affecting our mood and emotional lives.  This is especially so when we are also facing personal tragedies, health crises, or the loss of loved ones.

The truth is that experiencing the holiday season (now thankfully over) and the bleakness of the winter months does not necessarily have to be a major problem for us.  There are some things we can do to lighten our spirits and cope a little better.  Here are a few suggestions that can brighten the days and offset the sad, lonely feelings that want to envelope us at this time.

  • Start with your thinking. A positive approach to a new day helps.  Decide early on that there will be something happening today that will make it a “good day”.  Look for that something!  Expect it!  Pray for its blessings!
  • Have an agenda for each day that will hold promising events, enjoyable encounters with others, or places to go, etc. Many or even one will do.
  • Reach out in love and caring to others. A kind word said during a telephone call, a smile or a warm greeting given to a person met, or  a listening ear offered to someone in need, can make the caring happen. As we give in love, love will be received and our spirits, no doubt, will be lifted. 
  • Take some time to reflect not only upon what has been lost and is being grieved, but also upon whom and what we still have left in our lives. This can bring a measure of happiness and peace.
  • At the end of the day be thankful for at least one “happening” that brightened the day and brought warmth to your heart. Be grateful and treasure it.     

So, let the winter months come!  Believe that some happiness can be found, despite whatever may be happening out of doors.                                                                                                               

Mass Times

Saturday Vigil
5:00 PM
7:00 PM (en español)

Sunday Mass Schedule
8:00 AM
9:30 AM
11:30 AM
6:00 PM
Daily Mass Schedule
Monday - Saturday
8:30 AM
Holy Days of Obligation
Mass Schedule

7:00 AM
12:00 PM
7:30 PM
*unless otherwise announced

Devotions

Adoration
Monday 6:00 PM – 8:00 PM
Confession
Monday 7:00 PM – 8:00 PM
Benediction
Monday 7:45 PM